It wasn’t USELESS after all…

Last Wednesday started with a sinking, depressing feeling… though it shouldn’t have come as a surprise after the lack of peace and joy since the last couple of weeks - at home, in relations, and within me…

Mind was reeling with conflicting questions… and heart with hope (though a little faint) that something comes my way to renew my energies…

Everything I did was taking more effort than usual - from getting ready to sitting in the cab, to dragging myself in the office… Would it be any better later in the day?

Anyways… had to get on with the day so I started my routine with a cup of coffee… On my way back from the pantry, I just stopped over at a colleague’s desk to have a little chit chat we usually do to catch up on what’s happening in other’s life… Few minutes in the conversation, he opened his desk drawer and took out something to give me…
Boy…Was I Surprised? YES of course, what else do you expect?

Moments later after finishing the conversation, I walked away from his desk looking at the gift that I now held in my left palm. And I paid no heed at all :) to his comment “it’s kinda useless.”

I was more interested in the range of emotions I was experiencing all of a sudden… from the childlike excitement and curiosity on getting something new… to the pleasant feeling on being surprised… to the emotion of being cared… to the burst of new energy that I suddenly felt…

Let me tell you the small shiny thing was not just an unexpected gift… it seemed it was a reminder…

But before I share what it reminded me of, let me actually share what it was – A shiny silver key chain shaped like a book encasing a miniature bible... brought a :) to your face just like it did to mine.

It may sound strange, but it is really true. The few seconds I took to reach my desk, all the while looking at the gift held in my palm, left me with a renewed experience… as if something got re-activated :)

What I got reminded of was who I always have i.e. Christ, my eternal friend, my Savior and what He has given i.e. His Word for me to keep forever and gain strength from every time I am in need.

Suddenly, the day didn’t look dull, dead, or depressing. Suddenly I was looking forward to all the work, and travel planned in the evening that would otherwise tire me physically. Suddenly my spirits were lifted to a completely new level, a renewed confidence that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Phil 4:3… my all time favorite verse from Bible).

To the one (hope he will get time to read this post) who gave me the “kinda useless” gift, I want to say: “Bless you buddy… Trust me when I say you contributed in my life. And it wasn’t useless after all :)”

The Light of the Body…

The fog hitting the cab’s windscreen & side windows in the morning was so HEAVY & THICK… probably reflecting the state of my mind?

The words were floating before my eyes and nothing that I read registered… my vision was impaired because of the wetness in my eyes. I continued making an effort to read from the Word of God, not just because I didn’t want to dishonor what I held in my hands but also because somewhere I had faith that His message will get through my muddled head and wavering thoughts.

And it did with this verse that caught my eye… :)

The eyes are like a lamp for the body. If your eyes are sound, your whole body will be full of light; but if your eyes are no good, your body will be in darkness. So if the light in you is darkness, how terribly dark it will be!

Suddenly something dawned and I asked myself - what am I doing with the most precious part of my body literally? Did He give me these eyes to waste with tears? NO. And the minute I said that in my head, my tears stopped instantly. Though the mental debate continued as I tried to understand and interpret what I read.

As soon as I could, I asked my best friend Google, and here came a whole lot of interesting and detailed interpretations of the verse. With various points of view in front of me - from the metaphorical to literal and moral to spiritual, a question cropped its head in my head :)

Which sight would be WORTHY enough for me to set my eyes on FOREVER?

Not the sight that shows evidences of my unworthiness at every step of the way. Not the sight that shows me how unloved I am by this world. Not even the sight that shows what all is lacking in my life. And definitely not the sight that focuses on why a future full of hope is not possible for me.

DARKNESS… I hereby shun you away from my sight forever….

My eyes have found a vision in the ONE who is worth a lot - my reverence, my obedience, my faith, my surrender, and above all my love… because He loved me even before I was born or loved Him.

Jesus Loves You!

One day a crab was running on the sea shore. The waves came and cleared the footprints of the crab. Crab asked the waves, “Being my friend why are you clearing my beautiful footprints?” The waves replied, “A fox was following your footprints to catch you. That is why I cleared it off”. Friendship means caring beyond imagination.

A friend of mine shared this story on sms sometime back. I guess what he wanted to convey was that he cares and I got his message, loud & clear. Needless to say, I was touched, more so because it spoke so much of the love & regard he has for me. In fact I was thankful to Lord for giving me such a friend (and many more) who just do not care whether I give him something, send him a message or not and even sometimes forget to stay in touch for days. He keeps sending sweet messages of friendship, some stupid jokes to make sure that I :) or messages to say that he is there for me. I really feel blessed having friends like that on this earth.

But I am getting to feel even more blessed with the increasing knowledge that there is someone who wants to be my eternal friend – besides being My Master, My Lord and My Savior!

Interestingly the thought that Jesus is my friend hasn’t appeared for the first time. Many times in the past also I have felt like that, even talked to Him as if He is my buddy… in an endless conversation… sharing everything and anything (even the girly stuff :).

But it was fascinating to see it appear recently in one of the chapters in a book (“The purpose-driven life: what on earth am I here for?” By Rick Warren) that I am reading along with a friend. The first sentence of the chapter “God wants to be your best friend” felt as if my own inner-voice giving a sharp nudge, reminding me “See I keep telling you the same thing… but you keep forgetting.”

The smile my friend sent my way after reading the sentence confirmed I wasn’t the only one getting the internal nudge :) and by the end of our reading session I am sure we both grew in our want to receive Him as a best friend, at that time and all times to come. And ever since that day, I find myself conversing more & giving more of myself in this friendship with my best friend. It is such a comforting thought to know that there is someone who always loves & cares.

So to all my friends I have just one thing to say… JESUS LOVES YOU!

Embracing “myself” the way my Savior does

Few days back I found an interesting quote that inspired a thought. The quote first:

A small light can do a great deal when it is in a very dark place… Like one little candle in the middle of a large hall can give a good deal of light.

So true... isn’t it?

There have been many instances in my life when I’ve searched and searched for that light, that ray of hope that can lighten the darkest corners of my life, especially the ones in my heart & mind causing fear & chaos.

And thanks to my Lord for all the times that I did find something that lit the path ahead of me... enough for that time to take the next step at least. And in faith I moved and life happened.
But since a long time there has been an evident struggle in my heart & mind... and a continuous experience of not having a light to guide my step further in any of the area... Was I troubled? Yes to the core and thoroughly confused too.

But while reading this quote, a thought struck my mind... may be Lord does not want me to focus on finding the light outside... Maybe He wants to lead me to a light within me – a light that is unique and truly mine...

I asked myself - can I be like that candle? Can I light the darkness of the world around me?

The question has been provoking a lot of thoughts & actions... including being on a journey of self-discovery...

I have begun… that is all that I know... making efforts to accept whatever gets revealed every day... Embracing “myself” the way my Savior does... with love, compassion, & forgiveness...

Salt of my tears...

Salt of my tears is all I can taste
Falling apart, breaking, turning to waste
Can ever my life be anything but haste……

My eyes are shut, yet sleep deludes
Wondering about what all it preludes
A waiting time where nothing concludes……

A teasing hope has tried and dared
Its head lying there naked and bared
To destiny’s hands ----bit worried & scared ……

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As I was posting this on my blog... a verse appeared to me...
Tears may flow in the night, but joy comes in the morning. - Psalm 30:5

I know not any one...

I know not any one who understands these tears…
I know not any one who understands my fears…
I know not any one who listens when I don’t speak…
I know not any one who accepts me when I’m weak…
I know not any one who makes my silence heard…
I know not any one who keeps pushing me forward…
I know not any one who says I will always matter…
I know not any one who can collect when I shatter…

Blessing to others...

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If I can be made a blessing to others today, what more can I ask

Praying for their deliverance and healing, would not just be a task

But an expression of HIS love that abounds in my doings and in me

Molding and perfecting me in HIM, HIS goodness, and HIS mercy

To reflect my Savior always, giving HIM all glory, honour & praise

I seek HIS help in my growth, with eyes lifted & hands that I raise

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