Don’t Quit… Till when???

Nothing happened as such during the day that should have given me a reason to be sad or depressed but still I felt a sudden dip in my energies by the time evening set in.

Thoughts of all sorts plagued my mind… Have I hit the bottom again? Or is it the same VACUUM that I have experienced before?

As always, I tried occupying myself with one thing or the other but to no avail… the void kept growing bigger and bigger every moment.

As a last attempt I switched on my laptop, put my favorite music on, kept a blank word document open in front of me, and started rummaging through my old stuff to read something that will inspire or motivate… Guess what I found while sifting… one of my all times favorite poems “Don’t Quit”…

…When care is pressing you down a bit… Rest if you must but don’t you quit... Stick to the flight when you’re hardest hit… It’s when things go wrong, that you must not quit…

Yet another thought crossed my mind – Am I quitting?? Is that what this vacuum all about? Maybe… I do feel exceptionally exhausted today from within as compared to other days… As if losing sight of what to do, what to say, where to be… as if no control on things around me… as if everything is slipping away from my fingers… as if I am falling apart…

Not knowing how else to go about it… I kneeled in prayer asking Him… Tell me Lord… Till when?

You know what HIS response was… Don’t Quit… Until the Miracle Happens!!

Seems difficult… but coming from my savior I have to follow it, no questions asked.

I know Lord offers many gifts that I will never receive and enjoy because I don’t activate or continue in faith… But knowing God will give me favor in every situation that is His will, I have no reason to not have faith… Time I guess to re-activate my faith so I can receive everything God has for me.

Letting the “I” die daily…

Few days back someone asked me something that intrigued, puzzled, and unknowingly left me in an enquiry about my ‘self’…

“How can someone be so selfless… it is just not possible…”

I do not remember what my verbal response to his statement was at that time, but I do remember that my mind was churning and my insides screaming, “how can you even say that… can’t you see it in me? I can vouch for it because I experience being selfless so many times… in many situations, with many people… including you...”

Well many days have passed since then… and with multiple things in life, that conversation stayed forgotten till today, when everything just flashed back while reading something…

‘You and I were NOT born knowing how to love others. In fact, we were born with a selfish, “all about me” attitude.’

How true… Aren’t we human beings the most selfish of the lot… As if, being selfish comes like an inheritance to everyone born as human…

Wouldn’t deny, it was very relaxing and comforting to know that being selfish and thinking of ourselves before others is something we are born with, something which comes natural to us…

Instantly, a question also surfaced with the same thought… Irrespective of this intrinsic selfish nature can we still improve and make progress throughout our lives?

Guess we can… or so said the verse quoted in the article:

It won’t go away, but the greater One who lives in us helps us overcome it daily (Gal. 5:16).

So does that mean no one is spared from this selfishness? Not even saints?

But we know that well-known saint and Apostle Paul also struggled with putting others first…

I AM SELFISH and I am faced with constant conflict too… me vs. them… But then how do I explain still finding myself acting selfless many times…

Putting others before me is a daily battle and requires daily decisions... about how I will live, what I will live for…With only one life to live & only one life to give, how do I want to spend it?

I got a response to the enquiry that I was unknowingly in from what Paul wrote…

I die daily [I face death every day and die to self]. —1 Corinthians 15:31

So here it is… I find myself acting selfless by letting the “I” die daily… by remembering that whatever I do for others, I am doing for God, my creator, my savior… or rather He is doing it through me, a resource, a medium… and I am so glad I have been chosen by him to be one.