“Do not be unbelieving, but believing”

“Do not be unbelieving, but believing” - I have had this written as a note on my messenger since last 3 days I guess… and every minute I saw it in front of me it seemed I am claiming to the entire world, even beckoning them to do as I am doing… i.e. not go in the tunnel of unbelief… but hang on to Him… steadfast in faith and belief on Him, who gives as He promises…

But what happened all of a sudden… why the thread of faith has been straining today… why there is a gut wrenching fear that is gripping my body literally… fear of loosing, fear of being used, fear of being left alone... Am I going down on my faith my Lord… am I really unbelieving…

The minute I saw I may be heading towards that darkness, I cried unto you… pouring out my heart’s predicament… even sharing the anger and frustration that were clawing the walls of my mind to be released… But to no avail… that deep seated fear was still troubling as if some demon chasing me… or maybe in this case me chasing or not ready to let go of the fear…

I re-read Your words from the morning just so it can help…

Be strong and of good courage, do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

And I realized some thing… hadn’t You already indicated some thing in the morning through that message… as if preparing me for what I would actually go through during the day… being fearful & dismayed… and that I would keep searching for your presence & peace near me so that I experience being secure and safe again, when all the time You would be with me only…

Forgive me Jesus… I acted blind and plain STUPID (of the first degree I guess) … I lost so many moments fretting about some thing or the other when I could have spent them rejoicing and really enjoying the Love, Joy, and Peace that comes in abundance where You are present…

So let me reclaim my belief… and once again let me not be unbelieving, but believing...