“Do not be unbelieving, but believing” - I have had this written as a note on my messenger since last 3 days I guess… and every minute I saw it in front of me it seemed I am claiming to the entire world, even beckoning them to do as I am doing… i.e. not go in the tunnel of unbelief… but hang on to Him… steadfast in faith and belief on Him, who gives as He promises…
But what happened all of a sudden… why the thread of faith has been straining today… why there is a gut wrenching fear that is gripping my body literally… fear of loosing, fear of being used, fear of being left alone... Am I going down on my faith my Lord… am I really unbelieving…
The minute I saw I may be heading towards that darkness, I cried unto you… pouring out my heart’s predicament… even sharing the anger and frustration that were clawing the walls of my mind to be released… But to no avail… that deep seated fear was still troubling as if some demon chasing me… or maybe in this case me chasing or not ready to let go of the fear…
I re-read Your words from the morning just so it can help…
Be strong and of good courage, do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)
And I realized some thing… hadn’t You already indicated some thing in the morning through that message… as if preparing me for what I would actually go through during the day… being fearful & dismayed… and that I would keep searching for your presence & peace near me so that I experience being secure and safe again, when all the time You would be with me only…
Forgive me Jesus… I acted blind and plain STUPID (of the first degree I guess) … I lost so many moments fretting about some thing or the other when I could have spent them rejoicing and really enjoying the Love, Joy, and Peace that comes in abundance where You are present…
So let me reclaim my belief… and once again let me not be unbelieving, but believing...
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Trustful dependence…
I was reading something today which said:
“There’s nothing in our lives so small that God isn’t concerned about it-no need, no desire, no problem or crisis is so big that it baffles God’s wisdom and power. And because He cares for us, we are invited to tell Him about any and all of our concerns (1 Peter 5:7)”
WOW… it is exactly what I do… I just pour my heart out when I talk to Him everyday… try not to keep any thing to myself… tell Him what I feel, what I want, what I fear, what I am unsure of, what I would wish to have (even those secret tiny stupid things as well)….
I came out of my thoughts to read further…
“Does that mean we can ask God for anything and expect to receive it? Faith in our Savior and praying in His name are surely praiseworthy. But let’s be sure that what we’re asking for is something in line with what we know God would want.”
Oh Boy… are they talking about me only… Of course it is what I do too… whenever I pray and ask Him for some thing I want, I make sure that I end my prayer by telling Him that if what I have asked for is not His will then I would accept what He gives… cos even when I have shared my want/choice and prayed to Him for it yet I would trust and accept nothing less than HIS will… I also remember that I have always been moved while reading this verse - “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. (Matthew 7:7)”… but today my mind was persistently questioning how I have been asking Him who is the giver– am I asking inline with what He would want for me or with an assumption that He will give me as per my wish.
And then I read further..
“…It is possible to cross the line from trustful dependence to superstitious selfishness.”
Oh Lord… I hope that’s not what I am doing… or am I? Because that would be preposterous… maybe even stubbornness… cos You know what’s best for me, more than I can ever know for I see only few yards ahead while you have designed the complete path that I have to traverse…
“…Biblical faith is controlled by submission to God’s will (1 John 5:14). So every petition must be offered in a way that reflects the attitude of Jesus, Who said to His Father, “Not as I will, but as You will" (Matthew 29:39)... “If we ask anything according to His will, He hears us” (1 John 5:14).”
Lord… let me take on trustful dependence… revive my faith again today and my prayer too… I pray for you to reveal what Your will is… what You want me to choose in life… Guide me when ever there is a time for choice so that I act from Your wisdom and not lean on my own understanding…
You are a force that lives within me… my purpose to live and love… a strength that surrounds me & protects me… You are my Savior!
“There’s nothing in our lives so small that God isn’t concerned about it-no need, no desire, no problem or crisis is so big that it baffles God’s wisdom and power. And because He cares for us, we are invited to tell Him about any and all of our concerns (1 Peter 5:7)”
WOW… it is exactly what I do… I just pour my heart out when I talk to Him everyday… try not to keep any thing to myself… tell Him what I feel, what I want, what I fear, what I am unsure of, what I would wish to have (even those secret tiny stupid things as well)….
I came out of my thoughts to read further…
“Does that mean we can ask God for anything and expect to receive it? Faith in our Savior and praying in His name are surely praiseworthy. But let’s be sure that what we’re asking for is something in line with what we know God would want.”
Oh Boy… are they talking about me only… Of course it is what I do too… whenever I pray and ask Him for some thing I want, I make sure that I end my prayer by telling Him that if what I have asked for is not His will then I would accept what He gives… cos even when I have shared my want/choice and prayed to Him for it yet I would trust and accept nothing less than HIS will… I also remember that I have always been moved while reading this verse - “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. (Matthew 7:7)”… but today my mind was persistently questioning how I have been asking Him who is the giver– am I asking inline with what He would want for me or with an assumption that He will give me as per my wish.
And then I read further..
“…It is possible to cross the line from trustful dependence to superstitious selfishness.”
Oh Lord… I hope that’s not what I am doing… or am I? Because that would be preposterous… maybe even stubbornness… cos You know what’s best for me, more than I can ever know for I see only few yards ahead while you have designed the complete path that I have to traverse…
“…Biblical faith is controlled by submission to God’s will (1 John 5:14). So every petition must be offered in a way that reflects the attitude of Jesus, Who said to His Father, “Not as I will, but as You will" (Matthew 29:39)... “If we ask anything according to His will, He hears us” (1 John 5:14).”
Lord… let me take on trustful dependence… revive my faith again today and my prayer too… I pray for you to reveal what Your will is… what You want me to choose in life… Guide me when ever there is a time for choice so that I act from Your wisdom and not lean on my own understanding…
You are a force that lives within me… my purpose to live and love… a strength that surrounds me & protects me… You are my Savior!
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